Source: AP News, filed in Washington by Leslie Miller
Headline: Airport Bag Screeners Given Test Answers
(Read it here)

It seems the Transportation Security Administration is working to ensure the success of its baggage screening trainees by giving them the answers to the written tests. The course quizzes are taken “open book”, and are identical (or nearly so) to the 25 multiple-choice questions on the final exam.

The article cited these questions from the final:

“How do threats get aboard an aircraft?" (a) In carry-on bags; (b) In checked-in bags; (c) In another person's bag; and (d) All of the above. The correct answer is (d).

“Why it is important to screen bags for improvised explosive devices (IEDs)?” A possible answer: "The ticking timer could worry other passengers." The right answer: "IEDs can cause loss of lives, property and aircraft."

The TSA responded that this is just part of “a broader training program that includes 40 hours of classroom training, 60 hours of on-the-job training and four tests.”

The remedy proposed by Sen. Charles Schumer (D - N.Y.), who called for the initial investigation into the TSA's training practices, is to improve the training and testing regimen. This is obvious, well-meaning and dead wrong. This would be like producing more Nobel Laureates in Mrs. Kingsley's 3rd grade class by cracking the books and changing the Friday quiz from 10 spelling words into 50 integrals.

The issue, Senator, is not outputs, but inputs. In other words, what type of candidate pool is the TSA starting from that requires 100 hours of theoretical and practical training to prepare for a multiple choice test that an 8 year old could take cold and ace? I mean, where in the hell do these people come from? Are they imported through a worm-hole from a parallel universe where vaguely human-shaped bipeds split away from common ancestry with the coconut 12,000 years ago? I've seen enough episodes of Stargate to know that if we shut down the portal on our end, we can stop them from coming through. So, Senator Schumer, I call on you and your allies in the Senate to find the secret facility, shut down the Stargate, and force the TSA to recruit humans for this key job on the front line of the war on drugs. I mean terror.